I’m my own worst lawn ornament

Remember a few years back when those painted plywood cutouts of people weeding were all the rage? They showed a broad bottom clad in a polka dot dress and white bloomers hovering above legs with white ankle socks and black shoes — the view from behind of someone’s grandmother bending over to pick something off the ground.

I was working in the yard today and bent over from the waist to pull a weed just as a car drove by. I realized I had my back to the street, and that I had just presented my own version of the classic lawn ornament. I was wearing black shorts and an oatmeal gray t-shirt so the effect wasn’t quite as dramatic, but I felt suddenly very self-conscious and a little silly. What does it mean when you realize you have become something you’ve laughed about for years?

I’m seriously considering investing in a polka dot house dress and some bloomers as gardening camouflage.

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